in all my infinite wisdom

Author: alafair Page 1 of 7

How to Handle Foolish People

Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries , INSEAD

Exploring the roots of stupidity and strategies to combat the ignorance of others.

Most people, at one time or another, act foolishly. However, truly ignorant individuals exhibit a lack of introspection and stubbornly cling to their opinions, regardless of how irrational they may be.

These people demonstrate unwavering self-assurance and are often completely oblivious to their own inadequacies. They craft retrospective justifications to validate their beliefs and hold onto them. Even when presented with opportunities for personal growth and change, they seem incapable of breaking free from their entrenched habits.

Reasoning with stubborn individuals can be as perplexing as it is frustrating. Many have written it off as a hopeless task. As American writer Mark Twain once cautioned, “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

To argue against stupidity only seems to reinforce it. These individuals thrive on power and control, defending their position and denying their foolishness, regardless of innumerable counterarguments.

Despite these challenges, it is still possible to sway such people towards more sensible behaviour. It all starts with understanding the roots of stupidity.

Inside the mind of a fool

From a psychological perspective, stupidity is often considered an outcome of cognitive biases or errors in judgement. Many prominent psychologists attribute irrational beliefs and foolish actions to our cognitive limitations. Research into human cognition and decision-making has shed light on why these biases persist. It reveals that humans are not purely rational beings; they switch between fast, intuitive thinking and slow, rational thinking depending on the situation.

Neuroscientists have also weighed in, noting that the brain’s frontal lobes, responsible for rational thinking, can be overridden by the amygdala, a more primitive system for processing threats. This distinction between fast and slow decision-making implies that in emergency situations requiring quick decisions, the slower, deliberate information processing is often set aside.

Numerous cognitive biases can help explain some of the nonsensical decisions people make. For instance, individuals can be susceptible to confirmation bias, where they favour information that aligns with their pre-existing beliefs. They may also succumb to “anchoring”, becoming overly influenced by the first piece of information they receive (the anchor), even when this information turns out to be irrelevant or arbitrary.

The overconfidence effect is another potential factor at play, causing people to overrate their abilities, knowledge and the accuracy of their beliefs. There is also the phenomenon of groupthink, where groups prioritise consensus and conformity over critical evaluation, reducing their capacity for balanced judgement.

Flawed decisions could also be the result of fundamental attribution error. This involves incorrectly attributing others’ behaviour to internal factors, such as personality, rather than to external factors, like situational influences. Also, availability heuristic explains the tendency to rely on information that comes to mind quickly and easily when making decisions.

While these cognitive biases don’t inherently imply stupidity, when left unaddressed, they can pose significant risks.

Managing the misguided

When individuals recognise their cognitive biases, they become more willing to participate in productive discussions and gain deeper insights into their own behaviour. Rather than trying to persuade them through rational discourse, one can encourage them to examine these biases.

Promote reflective thinking

Ignorant people need to be taught how to properly decode the information they encounter, including learning to discern whether their own observations are grounded in evidence. The task at hand is to encourage them to engage in more reflective thinking on these subjects. Increased data transparency and fact-checking efforts are required to help them recognise the inaccuracies within their misguided beliefs.

Advocate greater self-awareness

Stupid actions can be viewed as either a defiance of logic or the result of a poverty of the mind. Self-knowledge is perhaps the most effective antidote. When people acquire a degree of self-awareness, it enables them to reflect on their foolish behaviour more objectively. They will recognise that, despite their persistent belief that others are foolish, they themselves are the real fools.  

Keep people grounded

In certain situations, stupidity can be interpreted as a manifestation of self-idolatry, notably in individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits. Excessively self-absorbed, these people often display a disinterest in the opinions of others. Such individuals need to attain a more grounded perspective on life and cultivate their capacity for self-evaluation. Through self-critique, they can develop empathy – another great remedy for foolishness.

Use satire as a tool

Satire has the potential to stimulate reflection and critical thinking, ideally without causing offence. This unconventional method to get people to question their assumptions focuses on critiquing concepts and actions rather than attacking individuals personally. The key challenge is to help people recognise their ideological limitations, with respect and empathy. Constructive reasoning, evidence and clear communication can persuade individuals to consider alternative viewpoints.

Let them learn the hard way

Another approach to addressing stupidity is through paradoxical intervention. Instead of instructing individuals to avoid specific foolish activities, one may encourage them to engage in more of them. While this should be considered a last resort due to the associated risks, the hope is that when their actions lead to disastrous outcomes, their own foolishness will become evident to them. They will learn from the experience and come to realise that their singular perspective may not be entirely correct.

While it may be challenging for them to distinguish between right and wrong, it is likely easier to differentiate between sensible and foolish choices. The adverse consequences of their actions can serve as a wake-up call, instilling a degree of doubt about the wisdom of their ways.

Lead by example

An effective leader, whether in government, business or any other sector, requires a combination of intelligence, knowledge, wisdom, empathy and compassion. Additional qualities that qualify leaders to make informed decisions for the betterment of society include the capacity for critical thinking, problem-solving skills, proficiency in handling complex issues, the ability to collaborate with others and distinguish between the wise and the foolish. While such a leader may not always be able to entirely prevent people from falling victim to irrational beliefs, they can set an example that starkly contrasts with the conduct of foolish leaders.

Stupidity in a “post-truth” era

In today’s “post-truth” era we find ourselves grappling with a daily barrage of public discourse that blurs the line between fact and fantasy. We are fooled by errors and lies, and social media appears to be amplifying such stupidity. Our current age may indeed be characterised as a golden age of foolishness, as the explosive rise of social media has made human follies more visible than ever.

We tend to underestimate the number of ignorant individuals in our midst, and the influence such people can exert over large groups. The dangerous combination of power and stupidity can disrupt the lives of countless people. Unfortunately, as long as there are foolish supporters enabling such leaders, people find themselves trapped in the morass of their own collective foolishness.

A significant counterforce against collective stupidity is the presence of institutional safeguards. Citizens must actively cultivate a robust civic culture, fostering a society where they can exert influence on their government. There needs to be laws that discourage the propagation of misinformation and legal avenues to counter fake news, especially when it causes personal harm.

At the end of the day, a broader educational initiative can prevent foolish actions and counteract overconfidence and arrogance. Although it presents a formidable challenge, education can lead people to discover and acknowledge their own ignorance, nurturing a more thoughtful and informed society that is better equipped to confront the pitfalls of stupidity

Edited by: Katy Scott

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Legalism in the Vegan Community 

I’ve listed a few reasons why legalism in the vegan community can cause problems

Legalism in the vegan community refers to a strict, rule-based approach to veganism, where adherence to the “rules” of veganism is emphasized over the underlying principles and values. 

1. Exclusivity and Alienation:

Legalism can create an exclusive environment where individuals who do not follow every rule perfectly are judged or excluded. This can alienate potential vegans or those who are trying to transition to a vegan lifestyle.

2. Focusing on Rules Over Ethics: Emphasizing strict adherence to rules can overshadow the ethical and compassionate reasons behind veganism. The core of veganism is about stopping suffering and promoting compassion, which can be lost when the focus shifts to rigid rule-following.

3. Discouragement and Burnout: 

People may feel overwhelmed or discouraged if they believe they must be perfect to be considered “true” vegans. This can lead to burnout and even cause some to abandon veganism altogether.

4. Lack of Flexibility: 

Legalism does not account for individual circumstances and challenges. People have different access to resources, cultural backgrounds, and personal situations that may affect their ability to follow a strict vegan lifestyle.

5. Negative Public Perception: 

A legalistic approach can contribute to negative stereotypes about vegans being judgmental or militant, which can hinder the broader acceptance and growth of the vegan movement.

By focusing on the principles of compassion, inclusivity, and stopping suffering, the vegan community can be more welcoming and supportive, encouraging more people to adopt and maintain a vegan lifestyle.

  • alafair 02/06/24
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OK iPhone Users You’ve Bragged About No Virus’s

well this one’s a doozy

The GoldPickaxe trojan is a dangerous malware targeting both Android and iOS devices. It’s crucial to be aware of its capabilities and how to protect yourself.

What is it?

  • A sophisticated trojan designed to steal your sensitive information, especially biometric data like facial recognition.
  • Developed by a Chinese-speaking threat actor called GoldFactory, known for other banking trojans.
  • Comes in two variants: GoldPickaxe.Android and GoldPickaxe.iOS.

What does it do?

  • Disguises itself as legitimate apps, often mimicking government services.
  • Uses social engineering tactics to trick users into installing it.
  • Once installed, it operates semi-autonomously:
    • Captures your face through video recordings and photos.
    • Steals identity documents you scan within the app.
    • Intercepts incoming SMS messages, particularly those from banks.
    • May use stolen data to create deepfakes for unauthorized access to your bank accounts.

Where has it been found?

  • Primarily targets the Asia-Pacific region, with confirmed cases in Thailand and Vietnam.
  • Could potentially spread to other regions in the future.

How to protect yourself:

  • Never install apps from untrusted sources. Stick to official app stores like Google Play and the App Store.
  • Be wary of phishing and smishing scams. Don’t click on suspicious links or download attachments from unknown senders.
  • Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) on all your accounts, especially financial ones. 2FA adds an extra layer of security that requires a second verification step beyond your password.
  • Keep your device software and apps updated. Updates often include security patches that fix vulnerabilities exploited by malware.
  • Consider using a mobile security solution. These apps can scan for and block malicious apps and websites.

If you suspect you’ve been infected:

  • Do not use your infected device for banking or accessing sensitive information.
  • Scan your device with a reputable antivirus or anti-malware program.
  • Report the infection to the relevant authorities.

Remember, staying informed and vigilant is crucial in protecting yourself from cyber threats like the GoldPickaxe trojan.

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So You Don’t Believe That Climate Change Is Real?

The number one most convincing fact about climate change is that the vast majority of climate scientists agree that it is real and human-caused. A 2013 study found that 97% of climate scientists agree that human activity is the primary cause of climate change. This is a level of consensus that is extremely rare in science.

In addition to the scientific consensus, there is also a wealth of evidence that supports the existence of climate change. This evidence includes the fact that the average global temperature has been rising for the past century, the melting of glaciers and ice sheets, the rising sea level, the increasing frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, such as heat waves, droughts, floods, and wildfires

The overwhelming scientific consensus and the wealth of supporting evidence are the most convincing arguments that can be made. It is also worth noting that the consequences of climate change are already being felt around the world. People are being displaced by rising sea levels, and extreme weather events are causing billions of dollars in damage each year. As the planet continues to warm, these consequences will only become more severe.

Denying the truth doesn’t change the facts and climate change is threatening our planet.

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ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

source: additudemag.com

Signs of ADHD aren’t as easy to spot in adults as in children. Adult ADHD can be more subtle and misinterpreted as another mental health condition, complicating its diagnosis.

Whether or not ADHD was diagnosed during childhood, it can pose different challenges during adulthood. Symptoms affect more aspects of your life, such as personal relationships, work, and emotions.

Without treatment and support, ADHD can cause people to struggle with career goals, memory, prioritizing, and daily tasks at work and home.

Recognizing signs of ADHD is the first step toward real change. Knowing the facts empowers you to seek the professional help you may need to overcome challenges and thrive.

Read on to discover some of the main signs and symptoms of ADHD in adults.

While many people will experience these issues at some point, ADHD means a persistent pattern (at least six months) of behavior that interferes with your ability to function. 

1. Difficulty Focusing

People with ADHD may lack control over what they focus on and have difficulty concentrating.

You may notice the following: [1]

  • Easily distracted
  • Daydreaming
  • Zoning out during conversations
  • Overlooking instructions and details
  • Unable to finish projects or tasks on time

Another symptom of ADHD is a tendency to hyperfocus on projects you find exciting and interesting. In this state, you may be unable to turn your attention toward other important tasks or people in your life.[2]

2. Misplacing Items

Storing, organizing, or keeping track of belongings can be troublesome for those with ADHD.

This can involve:

  • Misplacing everyday items (i.e., car keys or wallet) while the brain is on autopilot
  • Losing track of where an item is placed after a moment of inattention
  • Constantly retracing steps to find lost items
  • Storing things in the wrong places (i.e., work papers in your car, dirty dishes in the bedroom).

3. Always Running Late

Due to poor time management, adults with ADHD often run late for meetings, appointments, or social plans.

Reasons include:

  • Unable to find required items (car keys, wallet, meeting notes, etc.)
  • Forgetting dates and times
  • Underestimating time needed to complete tasks
  • Getting distracted while preparing for an appointment or event

4. Risky Behaviors

Research shows that adults with ADHD are more likely to engage in risk-taking behavior (RTB).[3] These behaviors may involve the following:

  • Starting arguments or fights
  • Overspending
  • Reckless driving
  • Substance use (alcohol or drugs)
  • Risky sex-related decisions (i.e., unprotected sex)
  • Gambling
  • Impulsive eating

By seeking help and support, you can proactively reduce your chances of involvement in these activities.

5. Lack of Listening

Social interactions may feel like a challenge if you have ADHD. You may struggle with: [1]

  • Waiting for your turn to speak
  • Staying on topic
  • Keeping track of the conversation
  • Using non-verbal cues to show active listening
  • Talking too fast
  • Speaking too much
  • Blurting out words that make others uncomfortable
  • Unable to read other people’s body language

6. Prioritization Perils

Adults with ADHD are almost always occupied. However, deciding which task to prioritize can be a challenge.

You may struggle with prioritization for any of the following reasons:

  • Feeling like you have too much to do (which can overwhelm you, even get you into a state of ADHD paralysis)
  • All tasks feel equally important
  • Difficulty thinking ahead – you underestimate deadlines
  • Seeking novelty over familiar tasks that may be more significant and relevant

Adults with ADHD also tend to procrastinate on tasks that require more focus and attention, leading to missed deadlines and workplace issues.

7. Relationship Roadblocks

Problems in relationships with friends, colleagues, family, or partners is another common issue for adults with ADHD.

There are several reasons why symptoms of ADHD can cause tension, anger, and frustration.

Some ADHD traits that may lead to relationship strains include:

  • Speaking over the other person
  • Not actively listening to the other person
  • Forgetting important events and dates (like birthdays)
  • Blurting out hurtful statements
  • Failing to fulfill responsibilities, commitments, or promises
  • Trouble regulating emotions

Despite these challenges, adults with ADHD can have happy relationships and fulfilling marriages. Seeking professional counseling and support is one of the best ways to work toward this.

8. Nervous Energy

Another sign of ADHD in adults is restlessness. This may present in a variety of ways:

  • Flight of thoughts
  • Constant fidgeting
  • Tics and impulsive behaviors
  • Overthinking and catastrophizing
  • Trouble sitting still

Fidgeting is often misinterpreted as inattention in adults with ADHD. However, fidgeting and stimming can signify attempts to stay focused when a task isn’t providing enough stimulation for the brain.

Interestingly, fidgeting may help increase the ability to focus and concentrate in adults.[4]

9. Memory Issues

ADHD may impact two different kinds of memory.

Working memory is your brain’s short-term storage space, and it’s where adults with ADHD are more likely to experience problems.[5]

Here are some examples of how ADHD can impact working memory:

  • Forgetting things on grocery lists
  • Leaving essential items at home
  • Losing track of belongings
  • Difficulty following instructions to complete tasks
  • Re-reading sections of text due to not retaining information

ADHD’s impact on long-term memory isn’t well understood. Some research shows that adults with ADHD may experience problems with long-term memory.

The ADHD brain tends to encode information in a disorganized manner, interfering with the storage of new information.[6]

10. Easy to Anger

An estimated 70% of adults with ADHD experience mood swings (emotional dysregulation).[7]

Adults with ADHD may notice the following signs of emotional turbulence:

  • Impatience when under stress
  • Explosive outbursts of anger
  • Persistent irritability
  • Surges of anger when met with everyday obstacles
  • Frequent and reactive mood changes
  • Unaware of the other party’s feelings

Professional therapy, medications, and self-care can play a vital role in managing ADHD-related anger.

Adult ADHD Symptoms: It’s Not Too Late to Get Them Diagnosed

If you think you’re experiencing some of the signs and symptoms of ADHD, it’s best to take your concerns to a trusted healthcare provider who can address them effectively.

Try to seek a professional specializing in treating and supporting adults with ADHD.

The ADDA adult ADHD test is a great starting point to screen yourself for signs of ADHD.

Check out ADDA’s online resource hub if you’d like to learn more about adult ADHD. Here, you’ll gain access to support groups, communities, and tips on how to live and thrive with ADHD.

How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

For people with ADHD or ADD, rejection-sensitive dysphoria can mean extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain — and it may imitate mood disorders with suicidal ideation and manifest as instantaneous rage at the person responsible for causing the pain. Learn more about ways to manage RSD here.

William Dodson, M.D.

By William Dodson, M.D., LF-APAVerifiedMedically reviewed by Sharon Saline, Psy.D.Reviewed on February 28, 2020

Click to Read 113 Comments 

What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short—failing to meet their own high standards or others’ expectations.

Dysphoria is Greek for “difficult to bear.” It’s not that people with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are wimps, or weak; it’s that the emotional response hurts them much more than it does people without the condition. No one likes to be rejected, criticized or fail. For people with RSD, these universal life experiences are much more severe than for neurotypical individuals. They are unbearable, restricting, and highly impairing.

When this emotional response is internalized (and it often is for people with RSD), it can imitate a full, major mood disorder complete with suicidal ideation. The sudden change from feeling perfectly fine to feeling intensely sad that results from RSD is often misdiagnosed as rapid cycling mood disorder.

It can take a long time for physicians to recognize that these symptoms are caused by the sudden emotional changes associated with ADHD and rejection sensitivity, while all other aspects of relating to others seem typical. RSD is, in fact, a common ADHD trait, particularly in adults.

When this emotional response is externalized, it looks like an impressive, instantaneous rage at the person or situation responsible for causing the pain.

[Self-Test: Could You Have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?]

RSD can make adults with ADHD anticipate rejection — even when it is anything but certain. This can make them vigilant about avoiding it, which can be misdiagnosed as social phobia. Social phobia is an intense anticipatory fear that you will embarrass or humiliate yourself in public, or that you will be scrutinized harshly by the outside world.

Rejection sensitivity is hard to tease apart. Often, people can’t find the words to describe its pain. They say it’s intense, awful, terrible, overwhelming. It is always triggered by the perceived or real loss of approval, love, or respect.

People with ADHD cope with this huge emotional elephant in two main ways, which are not mutually exclusive.

1. They become people pleasers. They scan every person they meet to figure out what that person admires and praises. Then they present that false self to others. Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives. They are too busy making sure other people aren’t displeased with them.

[ADHD, Women, and the Danger of Emotional Withdrawal]

2. They stop trying. If there is the slightest possibility that a person might try something new and fail or fall short in front of anyone else, it becomes too painful or too risky to make the effort. These bright, capable people avoid any activities that are anxiety-provoking and end up giving up things like dating, applying for jobs, or speaking up in public (both socially and professionally).

Some people use the pain of RSD to find adaptations and overachieve. They constantly work to be the best at what they do and strive for idealized perfection. Sometimes they are driven to be above reproach. They lead admirable lives, but at what cost?

How do I get over RSD?

Rejection sensitivity is part of ADHD. It’s neurologic and genetic. Early childhood trauma makes anything worse, but it does not cause RSD. Often, patients are comforted just to know there is a name for this feeling. It makes a difference knowing what it is, that they are not alone, and that almost 100% of people with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity. After hearing this diagnosis, they’re relieved to know it’s not their fault and that they are not damaged.

Psychotherapy does not particularly help patients with RSD because the emotions hit suddenly and completely overwhelm the mind and senses. It takes a while for someone with RSD to get back on his feet after an episode.

There are two possible medication solutions for RSD.

The simplest solution is to prescribe an alpha agonist like guanfacine or clonidine. These were originally designed as blood pressure medications. The optimal dose varies from half a milligram up to seven milligrams for guanfacine, and from a tenth of a milligram to five-tenths of a milligram for clonidine. Within that dosage range, about one in three people feel relief from RSD. When that happens, the change is life-altering. Sometimes this treatment can make an even greater impact than a stimulant does to treat ADHD, although the stimulant can be just as effective for some people.

These two medications seem to work equally well, but for different groups of people. If the first medication does not work, it should be stopped, and the other one tried. They should not be used at the same time, just one or the other.

The second treatment is prescribing monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI) off-label. This has traditionally been the treatment of choice for RSD among experienced clinicians. It can be dramatically effective for both the attention/impulsivity component of ADHD and the emotional component. Parnate (tranylcypromine) often works best, with the fewest side effects. Common side effects are low blood pressure, agitation, sedation, and confusion.

MAOIs were found to be as effective for ADHD as methylphenidate in one head-to-head trial conducted in the 1960s. They also produce very few side effects with true once-a-day dosing, are not a controlled substance (no abuse potential), come in inexpensive, high-quality generic versions, and are FDA-approved for both mood and anxiety disorders. The disadvantage is that patients must avoid foods that are aged instead of cooked, as well as first-line ADHD stimulant medications, all antidepressant medications, OTC cold, sinus, and hay fever medications, OTC cough remedies. Some forms of anesthesia can’t be administered.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: Next Steps

Dr. William Dodson

Dr. William Dodson is a member of ADDitude’s ADHD Medical Review Panel.

Rejection-sensitive-dysphoria (RSD) is a condition that causes severe emotional pain in response to perceived or actual rejection or criticism. People with RSD may experience symptoms such as:

  • Being easily embarrassed or ashamed
  • Having an emotional outburst and getting angry when they feel rejected
  • Setting impossibly high standards for themselves
  • Experiencing low self-esteem

RSD is often associated with ADHD, but it can affect anyone and may be present alongside other mental health conditions, like depression. Doctors and therapists often use the term when they notice exaggerated reactions connected to an official behavioral condition like ADHD.

RSD is not a formal diagnosis, but rather one of the most common and disruptive manifestations of emotional dysregulation. A mental health professional may help you create a plan that addresses the cause of your symptoms and how you experience them.

References

[1] Targum, S. D., & Adler, L. A. (2014). Our current understanding of adult ADHD. Innovations in clinical neuroscience, 11(11-12), 30–35.

[2] Ashinoff, B. K., & Abu-Akel, A. (2020). Hyperfocus: the forgotten frontier of attention. Psychological Research85(1), 1-19. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00426-019-01245-8

[3] Pollak, Yehuda, Dekkers, Tycho J., Shoham, Rachel, Huizenga, Hilde M. (2019).Risk-Taking Behavior in Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): a Review of Potential Underlying Mechanisms and of Interventions. Curr Psychiatry Rep 21, 33 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-019-1019-y

[4] Farley, J., Risko, E. F., & Kingstone, A. (2013). Everyday attention and lecture retention: the effects of time, fidgeting, and mind wandering. Frontiers in Psychology, 4. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00619

[5] Kofler, M. J., Singh, L. J., Soto, E. F., Chan, E., Miller, C. E., Harmon, S. L., & Spiegel, J. A. (2020). Working memory and short-term memory deficits in ADHD: A bifactor modeling approach. Neuropsychology, 34(6), 686–698. https://doi.org/10.1037/neu0000641

[6] Skodzik, T., Holling, H., & Pedersen, A. (2017). Long-Term Memory Performance in Adult ADHD. Journal of attention disorders, 21(4), 267–283. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054713510561

[7] Beheshti, A., Chavanon, M. L., & Christiansen, H. (2020). Emotion dysregulation in adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: a meta-analysis. BMC Psychiatry, 20(1), 120. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-2442-7
ADHD & Symptom Tests

REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA

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Britches suffered unimaginable pain in his life 

Britches
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Examining the Parallels between Hunters and Serial Killers

Pursuit of Prey: Both serial killers and hunters engage in activities that involve pursuing and targeting their chosen subjects.

Preparation and Planning: Both hunters and serial killers may engage in planning and preparation before their acts. Hunters research their prey, study their behaviors, select appropriate gear, and scout hunting locations. Similarly, serial killers may plan their crimes, select victims, and prepare tools or methods to carry out their acts.

Knowledge of Their Targets: Both hunters and serial killers acquire knowledge about their targets. Hunters study the habits, habitat, and behavior of animals they intend to hunt. Serial killers may also study their victims, learn their routines, and observe patterns to facilitate their crimes.

Understanding Vulnerabilities: Both hunters and serial killers exploit the vulnerabilities of their targets. Hunters aim to understand the weaknesses or patterns of animals to increase their chances of success. Similarly, serial killers may exploit the vulnerabilities of their victims, such as their trust, naivety, or specific circumstances, to carry out their acts.

Control and Dominance: Both hunters and serial killers may seek a sense of control and dominance over their targets. Hunters may feel a sense of power when successfully taking down an animal, asserting their dominance over nature. Serial killers may derive satisfaction and a sense of control by exerting power over their victims’ lives.

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WHY PRIDE IS POISON FOR YOUR SOUL

By Gustavo Razzetti
Borrowed from: www.fearlessculture.design/blog-posts/why-pride-is-poison-for-your-soul

Pride has many flavors — they all make life unpleasant

Pride is an emotion that can be both nurturing and poisonous.

It’s okay to feel proud when you accomplish something great. Feeling proud tastes delicious — it inspires positive behavior.

Being proud is a different thing — it can make you come across as arrogant and self-centered. Being proud is about creating an inflated self-image. It makes life unpleasant, especially for those around you.

“Generosity is giving more than you have, and pride is taking less than you need.”

Kahlil Gibran

So, is it better to not feel proud at all?

Pride becomes poisonous when used in significant quantities. Excessive pride leaves a nasty aftertaste — use it with moderation.

Pride Is Nothing to Be Proud Of

Aristotle described pride as the ‘crown of the virtues.’

For the Greek philosopher, pride implies greatness. He considered a proud person as someone who is and thinks to be worthy of great things.

Avoid vices. To think we are worthy of great things when we are not is vanity. Whereas to think of oneself to be worthy of less than we are worthy of is cowardice.

Pride is an emotion we experience when we’ve achieved something great. Or when someone close to us has. It’s the recognition for a job well done.

So, is pride something virtuous or evil?

Modern psychologists split pride in two emotions: hubristic and authentic.

Authentic pride is feeling confident and competent about who you are. Hubristic pride is letting egocentrism and arrogance take over. The latter encourages aggressive behavior; the first, affiliation.

Experts argue they are not two separate emotions — the dosage separates authentic pride from hubristic pride. Pride itself is not a problem — excessive pride is.

Arrogant people tend to score high on narcissism. Excessive pride diminishes self-awareness. Like an arrogant leader who’s always exaggerating his achievements to denigrate his rivals.

Excessive pride is an exaggerated appreciation of oneself by devaluating otherswe turn other people into our competitors.

While pride can undoubtedly lead to arrogant displays, it can also motivate us to give our best.

“I know” is teenagers’ response by default. They are not wired to listen. Adolescents believe they have all the answers. That’s not an issue unless they carry that arrogant behavior into adulthood.

Excessive pride makes us ignorant. It harms our relationships too — nobody likes being with a know-it-all.

Pride is like a condiment — it adds flavor to your life. A little touch can make it more pleasurable or exciting. In excess, it makes everything unpleasant.

Excessive Pride Tastes Like Poison

As C.S. Lewis wrote, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

Feeling proud is not the same as being proud.

Acknowledging your strengths and achievements reinforces positive behavior. It inspires you to give more.

However, being proud is living under a distorted notion. We exaggerate our perception of self to feel superior.

Pride is rooted in the same principle that envy — we define our self worth by comparing to others. But, unlike envy, rather than wanting what others have, we need to disparage them to feel superior.

Buddhism recognizes six poisons that harm our perception and behavior. Pride is the most pervasive.

Pride is a poison because it’s the basis for disrespecting others and for creating suffering in our lives.

Excessive pride is an exaggerated appreciation of oneself by devaluating others. It is often driven by poor self-worth.

We are so insecure that we compensate by feeling superior. And look for others’ flaws as a way to disguise our own.

We spend too much time competing with other people. They taught us that winners take all. Most people believe that being successful requires humiliating or defeating others.

As Thubten Caldron said, “Why do we have to put someone down to feel good?”

Buddhists encourage confidence and honesty with oneself. Pride is demeaning other people or feeling an aversion to others. Instead of nurturing self-growth, we compete and want to defeat others.

Excessive pride prevents the growth of other virtues. It becomes too uncomfortable to recognize our shortcomings or mistakes. Pride makes us believe we are always right.

How can we become more compassionate if we are already so great?

The Seven Flavors of Pride

“Behind every argument lies someone’s ignorance.” — Louis D. Brandeis

Pride has many flavors — actually seven, according to Thubten Chodron.

In one of her teachings, the American Buddhist explains the different flavors that pride takes. Each has self-indulgent nuances. But, they all leave a bitter aftertaste.

1. Pride over the inferior:

The first type of pride is the most common. We compare ourselves to others in terms of education, social standing, health, beauty, physical attributes, or other aspects

This happens when we, in fact, are better than somebody else in one of those aspects. We compare our strengths to someone else’s weaknesses. And look down on them.

2. Great Pride:

This happens when we can’t accept that we are equal to others in a particular aspect. Our competitive mode doesn’t leave us at peace. We see others as competitors that we must defeat.

Great pride is a cultural view, especially in America. That’s what kids learn from their parents. They associate getting recognition with beating someone else.

Even when we go for a run or bike ride, we need stats to prove that we are better. All we care is bragging about our superior performance, not the joy of exercising.

As Chodron explains, parents don’t ask their children if they had fun during a match. But, praise their kids when they beat others. Children learn that recognition matters more than joy.

Great pride is the enemy of collaboration — instead of thinking of the group’s welfare, we want to win.

3. Pride of Pride:

This is when we compare ourselves to others — in any aspect — and are actually inferior.

Instead of accepting the fact, we look for something that will make us proud. For example, you might say, “I might not be as good taking pictures as X, but I’m a more honest person.”

You focus on another quality that will help overcome your weakness. One that will make you feel morally superior. You defeat the other person by attacking their virtues.

It can be something insignificant, but still, you find a way to discredit your ‘opponents’ by finding their moral flaws.

4. Pride of the sense of “I”:

This is thinking of yourself as being perfect.

You turn one experience into something that makes you feel like the king of the world. Like when you break a rule or do something that makes you feel unique.

5. Evident or manifest pride:

This is where we are proud of the qualities or abilities that we don’t have. But we think we do.

You see it all the time — people get attached to an illusion. They think they are proficient at something but are clueless.

Manifest pride is when we believe we are better, wiser, more spiritual, or virtuous than we are.

6. Feeling slightly less pride:

This is when we feel proud of our weaknesses. It’s the case of those who play the victim role because it gives them power — others pay attention.

We make ourselves insignificant by putting ourselves down. We make a big deal of small flaws to feel at the center of the world.

The need to compete with others makes us cling to an exaggerated image of ourselves — in this case, a negative one. We become proud of being a victim.

7. Distorted pride:

The last type of pride is about bragging about our non-virtues.

It’s the feeling of superiority when someone cheats and doesn’t get caught. Think of those who lie in the tax declaration or frame someone else at work for a mistake they did.

Distorted pride is when our morality is full of holes, but we feel superior because we got away with it.

The Antidote to Excessive Pride

Unfortunately, there’s no simple cure. We spend our entire lives feeding our ego — it takes time to reframe that relationship.

Start by reflecting on the role pride plays in your life.

Acknowledge the difference between feeling proud and being proud. The first is the joy of a job well done. The latter is an exaggerated, distorted version of who you are.

You can turn your pride into a means of development. Inquire about your pride and see how it manifests. Excessive pride signals what we must further develop.

Do you feel insecure about a particular aspect of yourself? Do you have a distorted perception of your strengths or abilities? Do you see others as rivals or collaborators?

As Sophocles said, “All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.”

Buddhism teaches us to overcome excessive pride by cultivating equanimity and love for others. An appreciation for life and people removes the need to defeat them — there’s no need to compete.

Reconnecting ourselves with what we don’t know keeps our egos in check.

Intellectual humility can help overcome our pride too. Do you think you know a lot about a particular topic? Focus on something complicated that you don’t master. Surround yourself with people who know more than you do.

Pride is being attached to an exaggerated image of ourselveswe must let go of that dependence.

Thubten Chodron recommends contemplating that everything we have came from others.

Reflect that everything you do, know, are, or have it’s not yours to start with. Everything happened due to the efforts and kindness of somebody else.

Do you feel proud of your body? Your parents gave it to you. Are you proud of your car? Reflect on everybody involved in designing, building, and distributing the vehicle. Somebody else created it — not you.

Trace the origin of whatever you feel proud — consider everyone who participated in the process.

Your knowledge is not yours alone. Your parents, teachers, professors, coaches, and many more contributed to your learning experience.

The world is an interconnected whole — no person or nation can be truly isolated. Reflecting on that will keep your pride under control. Everything we own or achieve is a consequence of collaboration with others. 

Pride poisons our life. It creates an inflated version of self that we must defend at all costs. We take everything as criticism — we are under attack.

Don’t turn life into an unpleasant experience. Work on deflating your ego. When your identity no longer is at stake, you won’t need to fight with others.

Recover the pleasure of playing — life is not a match to be won but enjoyed. Acknowledge the good, and avoid the pressure to defeat others.

You wouldn’t accomplish anything without the help of other people. Pride has no room when we understand it’s better to be surrounded by collaborators rather than competitors.

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Living the Golden Rule

“…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”, Leviticus 19:18

article borrowed from https://zenhabits.net/18-practical-tips-for-living-the-golden-rule. Author Leo Babauta

One of the few rules I try to live my life by, and fail every day trying, is the Golden Rule.

I love the simplicity of the Golden Rule, its tendency to make I interact with happier … and its tendency to make me happier as well.

It’s true: the rule of treating others as you would want to be treated in their place will ultimately lead to your own happiness.

Let’s say that you apply the Golden Rule in all of your interactions with other people, and you help your neighbors, you treat your family with kindness, you go the extra mile for your co-workers, you help a stranger in need.

Now, those actions will undoubtedly be good for the people you help and are kind to … but you’ll also notice a strange thing. People will treat you better too, certainly. Beyond that, though, you will find a growing satisfaction in yourself, a belief in yourself, a knowledge that you are a good person, and a trust in yourself.

Those are not small dividends. They are huge. And for that reason — not even considering that our world will be a better place if more people live by this rule — I recommend you make the Golden Rule a focus of your actions, and try to live by it to the extent that you can.

I will admit that there are strong arguments against the Golden Rule, that there are exceptions and logic arguments that the Golden Rule, taken to extremes, falls apart. I’m not concerned about that stuff. The truth is, on a day-to-day basis, living by the Golden Rule will make you a better person, will make those around you happier, and will make the community you live in a better place.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at some practical tips for living the Golden Rule in your daily life:

  1. Practice empathy. Make it a habit to try to place yourself in the shoes of another person. Any person. Loved ones, co-workers, people you meet on the street. Really try to understand, to the extent that you can, what it is like to be them, what they are going through, and why they do what they do.
  2. Practice compassion. Once you can understand another person, and feel what they’re going through, learn to want to end their suffering. And when you can, take even a small action to somehow ease their suffering in some way.
  3. How would you want to be treated? The Golden Rule doesn’t really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you’d want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. John F. Kennedy did that during the controversial days of de-segregation in the 1960s, asking white Americans to imagine being looked down upon and treated badly based only on the color of their skin. He asked them to imagine how they would want to be treated if they were in that situation, and act accordingly towards the blacks.
  4. Be friendly. When in doubt, follow this tip. It’s usually safe to be friendly towards others. Of course, there are times when others just don’t want someone acting friendly towards them, and you should be sensitive to that. You should also be friendly within the bounds of appropriateness. But who doesn’t like to feel welcome and wanted?
  5. Be helpful. This is probably one of the weaknesses of our society. Sure, there are many people who go out of their way to be helpful, and I applaud them. But in general there is a tendency to keep to yourself, and to ignore the problems of others. Don’t be blind to the needs and troubles of others. Look to help even before you’re asked.
  6. Be courteous in traffic. Another weakness of our society. There are few times when we are as selfish as when we’re driving. We don’t want to give up the right of way, we cut people off, we honk and curse. Perhaps it’s the isolation of the automobile. We certainly don’t act that rude in person, most of the time. So try to be courteous in traffic.
  7. Listen to others. Another weakness: we all want to talk, but very few of us want to listen. And yet, we all want to be listened to. So take the time to actually listen to another person, rather than just wait your turn to talk. It’ll also go a long way to helping you understand others.
  8. Overcome prejudice. We all have our prejudices, whether it’s based on skin color, attractiveness, height, age, gender … it’s human nature, I guess. But try to see each person as an individual human being, with different backgrounds and needs, and dreams. And try to see the commonalities between you and that person, despite your differences.
  9. Stop criticism. We all have a tendency to criticize others, whether it’s people we know or people we see on television. However, ask yourself if you would like to be criticized in that person’s situation. The answer is almost always “no”. So hold back your criticism, and instead learn to interact with others in a positive way.
  10. Don’t control others. It’s also rare that people want to be controlled. Trust me. So don’t do it. This is a difficult thing, especially if we are conditioned to control people. But when you get the urge to control, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You would want freedom and autonomy and trust, wouldn’t you? Give that to others then.
  11. Be a child. The urge to control and criticize is especially strong when we are adults dealing with children. In some cases, it’s necessary, of course: you don’t want the child to hurt himself, for example. But in most cases, it’s not. Put yourself in the shoes of that child. Remember what it was like to be a child, and to be criticized and controlled. You probably didn’t like it. How would you want to be treated if you were that child?
  12. Send yourself a reminder. Email yourself a daily reminder (use Google Calendar or memotome.com, for example) to live your life by the Golden Rule, so you don’t forget.
  13. Tie a string to your finger. Or give yourself some other reminder throughout the day so that you don’t forget to follow the Golden Rule in all interactions with others. Perhaps a fake golden ring on your keychain? A tattoo? 🙂
  14. Post it on your wall or make it your home page. The Golden Rule makes a great mantra, and a great poster.
  15. Rise above retaliation. We have a tendency to strike back when we’re treated badly. This is natural. Resist that urge. The Golden Rule isn’t about retaliation. It’s about treating others well, despite how they treat you. Does that mean you should be a doormat? No … you have to assert your rights, of course, but you can do so in a way where you still treat others well and don’t strike back just because they treated you badly first. Remember Jesus’ wise (but difficult to follow) advice: turn the other cheek.
  16. Be the change. Gandhi famously told us to be the change we want to see in the world. Well, we often think of that quote as applying to grand changes, such as poverty and racism and violence. Well, sure, it does apply to those things … but it also applies on a much smaller scale: to all the small interactions between people. Do you want people to treat each other with more compassion and kindness? Then let it start with you. Even if the world doesn’t change, at least you have.
  17. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how your actions affect others, especially when you start to treat them with kindness, compassion, respect, trust, love. But also notice the change in yourself. Do you feel better about yourself? Happier? More secure? More willing to trust others, now that you trust yourself? These changes come slowly and in small increments, but if you pay attention, you’ll see them.
  18. Say a prayer. There is a prayer on the Golden Rule, attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea, that would be worth saying once a day. It includes the following lines, among others: “May I gain no victory that harms me or my opponent.
    May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
    May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary
    help to my friends and to all who are in need.
    May I never fail a friend in trouble.”
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Very Cute Big Bad Wolf

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